Milty: Hello, disgusting flesh-pods! I’ve taken the liberty of bringing one of your own here today: Xerxes the swordsman, of the web-comic Kyria! How are you today, Mister Xerxes? Is that the proper way to greet you?
Xerxes: What? Where am I?! –oh! A friendly automaton. I prefer Sir Xerxes – I didn’t become a knight for nothing, you know. I mean, other than the uniform. Now kindly tell me what is going on?
Milty: You’re being interviewed, of course. I have to admit, I’m rather surprised by your calmness. I was expecting a bit more panicking. The last one panicked. He was hardly any fun at all. That’s neither here nor there, of course. Now then, first question: tell us about your guild. Who is your favorite member?
Xerxes: I’m certainly not nervous at all about your giant claw hands! Not one bit — Oh yes, my guild! It’s an adventuring guild, you see. We’re gallant warriors in a constant battle against the creatures and Remoras of the world. My favorite of them would have to be… I can’t choose! I like everyone. But I like Osric’s gryphon a little less. She’s quite an ornery beast!
Milty: Interesting. [snaps his claw] Very interesting. [snaps his claw again] You’re a slayer of monsters, I would say. Which monsters give you the most difficulty?
Xerxes: Uhh.. eh… well, remember that wyvern I slayed? The one that Remora had? Don’t tell anybody but Mordecai had to help me not relive a bad memory of one of those things before we took care of it! But then I killed it! And then I don’t remember exactly what happened after that. I woke up at home though!
Milty: [snaps his claw some more] Which slaying gave you the most regret?
Xerxes: [places hand on sword hilt] As proud monster hunters, we don’t regret slaying those beasts! Except for the one Vael tried to bring home as a pet. Mordecai zapped it. And that’s how we got our Biljas skin rug in the common room. It was sad, but hey, new rug!
Milty: Needs must. We actually have a slight infestation you could possibly take care of, but that can wait. [snaps his claw] Is there anything special about your sword?
Xerxes: Er… my… brother, who is a bladesmith and the local shopkeep, forged it for me. He says he awaits the day I destroy it, but Wyvernslayer is a good sword. I turn the handle and it extends — stop laughing! Everyone laughs when I explain how it works. Also, could you possibly stop snapping your claws like that? It’s very unsettling.
Milty: I suppose. You’ve behaved, after all. I assume you’ve been all around Kyria. Which area seemed like far too much trouble for its own good?
Xerxes: I’ve been here and there. But no land was more hostile than Mordecai’s parents’ house! The tension was certainly something else. Why do you need to know all this? Are you planning on travelling to Kyria? — wait a minute — Oh no, you’re going to harvest me for fuel, aren’t you? You’ll never take me alive! [unsheathes sword]
Milty: Believe me, the day I have to resort to using a flesh-pod for fuel is the day I let myself deactivate. Anyway, it would seem our guest has become… excited, and therefore, it’s time to send him home! Thank you for coming, Xerxes, and your memories of this event will be immediately erased. Until next time!
Milty Reviews Comics is property of Mike Podgor, who you can support on Patreon.
Xerxes and Kyria are creations of Aero Zero. A very big thanks to Aero Zero for going along with all of this and drawing the accompanying image!